This month I've been focusing on trusting in God as my provider. It looks like I might really get some practice in that area.
My husband got word last week that he might get laid off. If the government shuts down, he will go without pay for at least 30 days. That doesn't seem like a long time, but we've spent our savings on medical bills and we are currently living paycheck to paycheck. With no paycheck coming in, life could get interesting!
I've worked diligently this month to get rid of clutter. The house cleaning is going well, but not nearly fast enough. More difficult, though, is getting rid of the mental clutter.
I've had a chronic illness for twenty-two years and it occupies a lot of my time as well as a lot of my thoughts. It's definitely mental clutter. It's easy to use it as an excuse to focus on myself. What I want to do more of now and in the future, is focus on others.
My pastor and dear friend Bill Moore died last Tuesday. A lot of people are in mourning. Over a thousand people to show up at his memorial service today. He was a humble man, from humble roots, yet he made in impact on his community that will never be forgotten. He touched so many lives and helped so generously that his death has left a huge hole in our lives. But what he taught us was how to be better people. How to be humble, how to laugh, how to seize joy in life and how to love and trust our God in all things.
As I declutter my life, I want to let go of self-pity, of fear, of sadness, of the long-time grieving I've been doing over my health and my losses. I want to let go of negative thoughts and focus on what I can still do instead of what I can't.
And then I want to do those things.
A few months before he died, not even knowing he was ill, Bill Moore sat down with his friend and said, "I want to finish well."
That's what I want to do. I want to finish well. I may have 50 years left, or only a day. I want to grab hold of that time and live a life that will edify others, strengthen my community, and put my family first. I want to quit nagging, stop worrying, and embrace life. I want to be filled with a deep, unshakable joy - the kind that only comes from knowing Whose I am.
I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13.